One or the other

Is a 10% drop in the number of drivers caught using a mobile phone down to the Daily Mail’s admirable campaign to increase the penalties available to the courts? Or is this just something else which the nation’s police farces have decided they can no longer be bothered with? Like burglary and shoplifting.

Twit

Would someone kindly tell the Daily Mail quick crossword compiler that treacle is not the same as golden syrup? One is black and comes in red tins. The other is golden and comes in green tins.

Poly-something!

What a weird concept it is; the UK being divorced from the EU, which implies that there is one spouse on one side and 27 on the other. No wonder we keep ending up screwed by the Europeons.

Make me miserable, please!

Isn’t it remarkable, how much time the wibble-mongers spend trawling the Daily Mail website looking for things to upset them. What sad, empty lives they lead. But it would be interesting to know just how many hits on the DM website come from offence junkies in search of fodder.

Just a thought

The EU thinks that UK cities are no longer eligible to take part in the European Caterpillar of Culture junkets. Maybe Mr. Druncker should be locked in a darkened room until he sobers up and realizes that Europe is a geographical continent and independent of the extent of the Europeon Union, which had no problem with including Turkey in the CoC list.

You just can’t win

President Trump is always being told off for having something to say about almost everything. Now, he’s being trolled for not going on about some American divorcee bagging Prince Harry.

More TV wisdom

A homily from the elder DCI Barnaby (Tom, the former Bergerac) in last night's Midsomer Murders: “Revenge is no remedy for loss.” To which the only response can be: “Only in your opinion, Inspector, which no one else is bound to accept.”

Timely reminder

After the mosque massacre in Egypt at the end of last week, there was a thought-provoking episode of the epic SF series Babylon 5 on TV last night. The events of Believers, episode 10 of the first series, remind us that evil is always evil, especially when performed in the name of religion. And especially with regard to the ethnic cleansing going on in western Burma. Evil will flourish when good men do nothing. Not to mention former saint Aung San Suu Kyi.

Included out

I find that I am uninvolved in many things, which are claimed to be essentials of modern life. Add salted caramel to the list. I am not one of those unfortunates who can’t stop eating it because I never started.

Miracle man

Did I win the 105th Grey Cup for the Toronto Argonauts? I was just thinking how great it would be if they could get a TD and draw level as the Calgary Stampeders were on the point of putting the match away and lo! suddenly it was 24-all after a fumble recovery for a TD.
    And when the Stampeders were on the point of scoring at least a field goal to get to 27-all, I was thinking wouldn’t it be great if the Argos stopped them? And lo! an interception in the Toronto goal by Black did just that and let the Argos win.    Spooky, huh?

Here’s a good one

The next time someone tries to tell you that leaving the EU without paying a Brexit ransom is like trying to walk out of a restaurant without paying – ask the idiot when he last spent 40-odd years in a restaurant.

Calm down, dears!

Does it really matter if the former leader of Labour in the Scottish parliament is spending three weeks doing a TV show in Australia? Her star is in the wane, she’s had her turn in the spotlight and she’s been booted out in favour of a Corbynite trade-unionist zombie bloke. An alternative career as a Z-list celeb will probably be more fun.

No news like fake news

Two blokes having a bit of a barney in a Tube station becomes a machine-gun massacre and stampede in the web postings of the wibble-mongers. But anything to get noticed, right?

A prayer for today

“Oh, Lord, give us the courage to act manfully and say ‘bollocks!’ to hate-filled snowflake harridans.”

Brace yourselves! Clothears strikes again!

Oh, no! We’re under threat from something new and deadly: “Cereal Two emissions”. Luckily, there’s help at hand. I caught part of a TV ad for something offering “Ultra-low Cereal Two emissions”. I must remember to keep an ear open for that one to find out what it is.

Good as far as it goes

What a weird concept ‘lucky underpants’ is. What sort of weirdo takes the trouble to track a pair of pants through washing cycles? And what happens when the pantist finds himself in competition with someone else wearing lucky pants?
    Probably the same thing that happens when two Christian countries go to war and God has to toss his lucky penny to pick a winner.

Topsy-turvy

What a weird world we’re heading for if all the women’s organizations end up dominated by militant men who have decided to be women and vice versa.

Confusion reigns

What was it for that Uber paid $100,000 to their hackers? Erasing stolen data doesn’t make much sense as how could they rely on hackers to do it and not take copies? Or do it after they had sold on copies? Cash for the hackers to keep quiet about how easy them found it to get in to the Uber system sounds credible. Pretending it was a security test arranged by Uber doesn’t.

More!

The US national anthem was played on a saxophone with flourishes in Detroit and then as a trumpet voluntary in Dallas for the initial Thanksgiving NFL matches. Which reminded us how much better anthems can be performed as an instrumental, especially in an era when excessive vocal twiddly bits by alleged stars is the norm.

Yes, you, mate!

How do you push J. Corbyn’s buttons? When he demands more cash for care for the elderly, accuse him of naked self-interest.

Watch out

Attention any British people thinking of celebrating the American Thanksgiving today: do so and you will be guilty of ‘cultural appropriation’ and the Hate Police will be round to rake you in whilst you’re still stuffing the turkey.

SUBB (Screwed Up Beyond Belief)

Only in these weird times could a guy running a Corbynite outfit called ‘Stop Funding Hate’ be running hate campaigns against newspapers which fail to bow down to his party line. Maybe we could invoke the Trade Descriptions Act (Exceptional Circumstances) to make him change the name of his secret society to ‘Stop Funding Hate Unless I Sponsor It’.

Would you like some garlic with your tripe, sir?

The insinuation by the Bremoaners that Brexit is proceeding outwith the normal boundaries of ‘politics as usual’ is a sign of desperation. But, like all conspiracy theorists, they do have to maintain that something monstrous is going on. All we can do is tell them to relax, take a deep breath and get off their grassy knoll because the council wants to mow it.

Nice thought, shame about the product

I can never remember what the advert is about but I don’t get fed up with listening to Fleetwood Mac playing “Don’t Stop”. Great tune, nice to sing along to, but I can’t make a connection to what it’s supposed to sell.

Fair trade

If we’re paying £40 Billion to the EU for access to their single market post Brexit, we should be telling them that’s on condition that they pay us £60 Billion for access to the British market.

We know, we know

Watching Canadian Footfall head for the last hurrah yesterday, I started wondering why the commentators try to astound the listeners with revelations like one team’s head coach and the other’s defensive co-ordinator has the opposite roles the last time they met in a Grey Cup match. Given that the CFL is a small and incestuous pond, it’s just pointless noise and no one is impressed.

The Brexit hate campaign

We seem to have a remarkable number of quislings around, who are willing to pay any amount of British taxpayers’ cash to the EU and willing to come up with all sorts of spurious analogies involving things like booking a holiday and dining out at a restaurant to justify their demands. Not a word about what basis there is for the EU’s demands or guarantees that the money will be spent on something worthwhile (which is highly unlikely if the EU is involved; bribes and fraud losses and feeding Mr. Druncker’s habit are the norm there).
    One wonders what the quislings hope to get out of it; other than the satisfaction of seeing the British taxpayer being ripped off for cash, which would be far better spent here than meekly coughed up to the EU.

Clueless in Africa

One gets the distinct feeling that the army in Zimbabwe has no idea how to stage a coup. Given Mugabe’s generally zombified condition, any competent outfit would have polished him off and launched three days of national mourning for a departed hero before getting on with the job of installing the next appalling butcher.

Mug punters

There are tough times ahead for the next generation of snowflakes at the hands of the world’s fraudsters if 25% of 8 to 15-year-olds really do think that if something is listed by Gooble, it has to be genuine (rather than just listed by Gooble). Which explains why the current generation of snowflakes would rather be reassured by the recycled opinions of ‘experts’ of doubtful provenance than risk exploring something original and thought-provoking.

More wisdom

The bitterness of the Undeserving can be truly tragic at times. But maybe the Universe hates them a bit more than the rest of us. Especially Bremoaners.

Today’s Wisdom

Modesty, even when false, is to be applauded, even if with a one-handed clap. But let us remember that few can aspire to the level of modesty enjoyed by President Trump.

Clean hands? Hardly

Racialist black people, and those trying to be their pals, keep accusing white people of living on the proceeds of slavery. They’re doing it again in Liverpool right now. Maybe it’s time to remind them that there wouldn’t have been a slave trade if black people like them hadn’t rounded up their fellow Africans and flogged them off to anyone with a bit of cash. Which means that every black person living in Africa is enjoying the benefits of the cash which came into their area’s economy and, therefore, profiting from slavery. No chance of an apology from them, though.

Welcome to Paradise

What do the leaked Paradise Papers really tell us? That it is terribly wrong to be caught in the act of doing nothing illegal. Well, it is in the eyes of envious socialists and their hypocritical buddies.

You cannot be serious

Don’t you just wish someone would say that they are taking a batch of “she said/he said” complaints frivolously? It would really put the world back into focus.

Nothing to see, move on

It’s not a coup in Zimbabwe; those tanks in the street are just there for a bit of fun. But if the country is about to swap one blood-soaked thieving tyrant for another, the people won’t be getting much of the fun.

Learning to lie

Can a university’s staff be trusted to be honest about the institution in self-promotional material? No, the Advertising Standards Agency has found.

Whatever happened to Austerity and The Cuts?

Only in London: nursery school pupils are to get lessons in dressing up from drag queens, courtesy of the taxpayer. But if this is progressive, how come no cross-dressing females are included in the party? Discrimination!!!

Clear neglect of duty

How come the Church of England isn’t waging a campaign against Bet365? Why isn’t the Church complaining that betting on a Sunday is immoral and that the 365 should be reduced by 52 or 53 Sundays, as appropriate?

Moggy gets myth-mania

Would someone mention to Saint Rees-Mogg that no one promised £350 million/week to the NHS if the nation opted for Brexit? The message was always that some of this wasted cash could go to the NHS.
    The concept of £350M/week going to the NHS is just another of those silly myths created by people who just don’t get it. Like the one about Enoch Powell making a speech about rivers of blood. He didn’t. Being a Classical scholar, he quoted Virgil and the people reporting the speech were too thick to get it.

“Who’s saying it?”

That’s a question which should be asked a lot more. Followed by: “What does this person know?” and “What’s his/her record for being right?” [Especially if it’s some alleged financial genius like G. Osborne or the Gov. of the BoE]
    If the answer to the primary question is “Some anonymous troll on the internet” or “a known enemy of the person being trolled”, then there’s no reason to go on to further questions, which would save a lot of time if the rule is applied ruthlessly enough. Although, the BBC might have to cope with lots of silences and newspapers would have to publish lots more ‘news’ stories about stars no one has heard of.

We’re really quite nice!

The new head of the Metropolitan Police, C. Dick, has launched a PR campaign with instructions to coppers to stop treating journalists as criminals. The campaign’s broad aim is to convince the public that the police are their friends – bumbling and terminally politically correct, but friends nonetheless.

Does my halo look dim in this lighting?

Knowing that J. Corbyn is prepared to take £5K a pop for doing spots on an Iranian TV channel puts him in even more stringent perspective as another bought-and-paid-for mouthpiece, especially when one of our enemies is involved.

They’re French; of course they don’t get it

Why do French people say fu*k so much, even to the extent of having a weekly TV show called What The Fu*k France (yes, really)? The answer is simple. They’re French. They don’t know what the word means but it’s foreign and therefore clever to say. And as a nation, the French adore swearing and do it more often than any other nation in the EU.

They’re not people . . .

. . . they’re Iranians, North Koreans, Europeon stooges, global warming fraudsters, Bremoaners, Corbynist activists, Libertine Democraps, internet trolls, traffic wardens, council jobsworths, senior coppers, snowflakes, Islamist terrorists . . . feel free to join in.

Pull the other one!

According to a Did You Know in today’s Sunday Post:
    “85 million years ago, the Moon was orbiting the Earth about 35 feet from the planet surface.”
    Really? And were all those giant plant-feeding dinosaurs with long necks having to remember to duck when it came past?

To be clear, comrades . . .

Vlad, the Putin of all the Russias, would like it to be known that he is mortally offended by the thought that had he meddled in the last US presidential election to spare Americans the horrors of another Clinton presidency, he would have left any evidence with his fingerprints on it.

Nothing changes

The NHS was set up in 1948; despite fierce and sustained opposition by the medical profession, we must remember. A year later, the saintly Aneurin Bevan was worrying about how to stop foreigners from coming to Britain to steal items to which they were not entitled; medicines, wigs, etc.
    70 years on, there is still nothing being done about it.

In his master’s footsteps

David Cameron has backed up his resolution to be the heir to Blair by going down the same money-grubbing road; another big cash-in deal for him this week. Are we now supposed to admire him for being a man of his word?

Keep an eye on this one

Mrs. May has offered to pay £20 million to the EU to avoid leaving gaps in the current budget, which runs to 2021. Let us not forget that this budget includes EU spending in the UK, which could well dry up mysteriously in 2019 and 2020, while Britain is making transitional payments.
    Given that the people running the EU cannot produce a set of books which can satisfy an independent audit, and are therefore completely untrustworthy, we would do well to get any agreement with the EU written in blood and make our tribute in monthly payments, which can be stopped the moment the EU starts any of its usual funny business.

Wrong direction

Oh, dear, the Green Police have got it all wrong. According to the European Commission, 50% of the particulate matter in the air is dust from tyres and brakes on road vehicles. Which means that cutting air pollution is not just a matter of going cosmetically and delusionally electric, it also requires cuts to the number of vehicles of all sorts on the roads.

No dice

Is it mitigation for allies of the sacked overseas aid minister P. Patel to claim that the F.O. leaked details of her private jollies with public figures in Israel? The words ‘own petard’ and ‘hoist’ spring to mind, coupled with the knowledge that the Westmonster village is a veritable information sieve, especially now, and nothing (well, hardly anything) remains unleaked.

Maxims for today

No. 182 : There is no smoke without fire – except on anti-social meeja.
No. 183 : the 2012 Lord Levison rule that “People will not assume that what they read on the internet is trustworthy” requires a 2017 extension: “unless the libel applies to one of their enemies, real or imagined”.

Brotherly hate

The fate of the Welsh Assembly member Carl Sergeant just confirms what we know to be true about Labour party justice; the instinct is always a brick through the window and a lynch mob rather than due process.

Freedom from hurt feelings

The nation is agog, waiting for the first time that a British team will be withdrawn from a major event, such as the World Cup or an Olympic Games, so that snowflakes on the team won’t have their feelings hurt if they fail to win.

Stopppp

A guide dog charity is seeking to remove a hound from the clutches of a partially sighted pervert, who has been convicted of possessing indecent images of children. Presumably, the charity is worried that the dog is clever enough to help the paedophile to navigate Windows 10.

A bit off here, a bit on there

An all-male club is letting a member stay on the books, even though he has decided that he wants to be a woman, because: “he’s a terrific guy”. Which is a pretty effective way of telling him: “You’re not fooling anyone, bud!”

Socialist envy

Other members of the HUTAgonian tendency include those who are ‘accusing’ people of tax avoidance. Accusations are charges brought against law-breakers and tax avoidance is legal. Which means that anyone making vexatious accusations is involved in a hate campaign – which is a criminal offence. But don’t expect the police to be arsed when it comes to doing anything about it.

What’s going on between the ears?

Do the world’s comic opera countries, e.g. Iran, ever listen to what they’re saying when they go on about one harmless individual trying to topple the regime? Or do they have their heads jammed so far up their own arses that they are effectively deaf and blind?

Bearded-face lie by Corbyn

If someone with lots of money puts cash into an off-shore tax haven, that doesn’t create a tax deficit, which other people will have to fill – as the prime-minister-in-waiting would have us believe. If it is done legally, there is no impact on the government’s income as the Treasury has no expectation of receiving income from the money and, therefore, no deficit is created.

Scold’s Bridle for MeToo-ers

The Parliamentary Sex Mania Tsar will have to get to grips with nomenclature quickly to reduce the temperature of the current hysteria. For instance, ‘sugar tits’ has to be classed as a legitimate expression of affection between consenting adults while ‘twinkle tits’, especially if applied to a bloke, is always a term of derision; which may be entirely justified, according to the degree of appalling behaviour shown by the recipient.

No, don’t get it

What is the psychology behind using a bloke with an Indian accent to do TV ads for computer stuff? Given that most people associate that particular accent with the Indians who ring you up and pretend to be from “Windows Operating System” or BT and have a story about getting distress signals because your computer has trawled all sorts of nasties from the internet, and would you kindly fall for their scam?

“It’s simple, mate.”

“I have no idea why people who hold these views should want to be a member of the Labour party,” the chairman of the Parliamentary group said about people who make and publish violently anti-Jewish comments.
    The short answer is: “Because they are made welcome and because they feel right at home there.”

The usual multiple standards

There is to be a new code of conduct for Tory MPs. The other parties will continue to observe the Pants-Down/Prescott Code.

News? Really?

Is it really worth a slot on main news bulletins – the non-story that some hissy git who was on the way out blocked President Trump’s Twitter account for 11 minutes in the middle of the night, when no one noticed?

Corbyn Explained

The mistake everyone is making about Jeremy Corbyn is to treat him as a credible political figure rather than just Wolfie Smith’s (q.v.) grandfather. One you get him into the proper perspective, everything he does starts to make a sort of sense.

Better than UFOs

Here’s a wonderful conspiracy theory . . . Mrs. Leadballoon was trying to drum up support for a Tory leadership bid, because she thinks Theresa is making a bog of it and she’s the next Maggie Thatcher, but she became worried that the PM would sack her from the Cabinet. So she made herself into a Victim with some MeTooSlag sleaze against the Defence Secretary. [Him in particular because he had described her as a dud who needed to be sacked.]
    And it gets worse: If Mrs. May bought the Victim story, then she is clearly faulty of judgement and unfit to be the leader of a major political party and prime minister. And the Tories should pick someone better to lead them, like . . . the woman who thinks she’s the next Maggie Thatcher? And who has children and understands people.

Power-seeking

J. Corbyn is being yah-boo’d for supporting Islamists at the expense of Israelists. But he’s just being a political pragmatist. There are more votes to be had from migrants from Islamic countries, who have no idea just how awful and incompetent Labour governments always turn out to be.

It gets worser!

The latest whinger is someone complaining about feeling powerless. Remind me, but when was being able to feel powerful [shades of Mandelsleaze!] make a ’uman bloody right?
    No danger of any of these characters producing recordings, CCTV, 14 independent witnesses, etc., to back up the whinges, of course.

Boo-bloody-hoo

That’s Commons leader A. Leadsom off the list of candidates for the next leader of the Tory party. Nobody wants a pathetic victim in that job, especially one who comes up with ‘she said he said’ stuff from six years back. It’s Leadsom the lead balloon now.

What are the odds?

The major bookmakers are said to be deliberating on whether to take bets on when the Bremoaners will decide that no one is going to give them another referendum (with the attendant risk that Brexiteers will demand a best of 3 if the Bremoaners win and the Bremoaners will demand best of 5 if they lose again).
    What to do about someone trying to back ‘never’ is proving to be a sticking point.

Pur-lease

Apparently, Berko, the Squeaker of the Commons, used to brag that he became a very popular target for improper advances from non-male persons when he first got the job. That would be the very short-sighted ones, of course.

There’s a couple of words for it

This could come only from the snoflakes: they’re refusing to wear Royal British Legion poppies because ‘they glorify war’. But then, the words remembrance and glorification are so close together that they are easily confused.

The award is in keeping with the sentiment?

‘Fake News’ is the Word of the Year for 2017, according to Collins, the dictionary company. [Personal interest note: I have quite a number of their excellent products.] How appropriate that this ‘word of the year’ is, in fact, two words.

Try harder

Retired Defence Sec. M. Fallon is in trouble for calling a non-male journalist ‘a shit’ three years ago? BFD! That’s way down among the tomato plants at the sewage factory and the MeTooSlag lobby is getting really desperate.

Pot, Kettle, Brown

Gordon F. Brown, the man who got the idiots running LloydsTSB to take over bankrupt HBoS as a favour to him and jobs in Scotland, is telling us that the banksters who cause the financial crash on his watch should be gaoled. One law for them, another for their political accomplices?
    Like the accomplice who took all the teeth out of financial regulation for the banking industry and used the banks to help him spend the nation into bankruptcy. Let us not forget that Fred the Shred was one of Brown’s creatures.

Stock slump

The BBC and the Bank of England are still pushing Project Fear as hard as they can; to the point of deliberately misleading their audiences, in the case of the BBC. They are clearly worried about the share price of PF hitting zero and wiping out their HUGE investments of credibility.